I Found Myself Walking Into A Big Arena

I found myself walking into a big arena, a concert hall, an auditorium.

The act that evening was a solo guitar player. I couldn’t wait to hear his new songs.

The arena, the concert hall, the auditorium was filled. It was filled to capacity.

I found myself walking down the concrete stairwell. It was dark. Ever so slowly, I found each step by feeling my way along the cold concrete wall.

Half way through the darkened stairwell, I sat on the cold concrete stair when I heard the guitar player playing a song that wasn’t one of his new songs. It was one of his old songs. It didn’t matter. I loved that song, I heard it again, and it sounded just as sweet as when I heard it before.

Applause, applause, applause! My applause sounded so empty and hollow. I must get out there and show my appreciation.

I found that I had come out of the darkened stair well and I was standing on the side of the stage in the shadows. Applause, applause, applause. I was so enthusiastic with my applause. So grateful to this guitar player. So grateful that he could fill my soul with such beauty. Applause, applause, applause!

I saw the guitar player draped in the spotlight. He wasn’t looking at anything or anyone else save his guitar. He was lost in his melodious tunes. He fingers glided across the strings.

Applause, applause, applause! From the shadows, from the side of the stage I looked into the guitar player’s face. I wanted him to see me and to know that I was giving him my all as he had given to me through his music.

The guitar player raised his head and looked out to the audience. Applause, applause, applause! He made eye contact with everyone in the arena, the concert hall, the auditorium. Everyone was fulfilled for everyone knew their accolades were met with appreciation. He realized his worth and the audience realized their worth.

Now me, look at me. Applause, applause, applause! See me. See me! My hands sting from the applause, applause, applause. You filled my soul and being with your song. Look at me! Applause, applause, applause. Look at me! Why don’t you look at me? I am here. I support you. You made me happy for a moment. Look at me! I am here! More applause. Look at me. Acknowledge me. I support you. Look at me. Damn it! Why won’t you look at me?

Why did I dare hope for more? Where is the exit? I can’t find the exit.

*Note:  This was written by me a couple of years ago after one of my dreams.  It is open for interpretation.  But, I know the meaning.

7 thoughts on “I Found Myself Walking Into A Big Arena

  1. I read everyone’s wise and wonderful responses to your post, and I fear I can add nothing but this. I know you to be a giver. You have given me exactly that little comment I needed to receive so many times. That is a knack; no it is a gift. Now, you must turn and give that thing to yourself that you give to others – at least for a time. Take care – of Liz. Love, Julia

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  2. HI Liz, I can so relate to how you feel because many times I feel my family does not appreciate all that I do for them. I sometimes wonder if family every really sees who we are as mothers until we are gone. I hope I do not do this to my own mother!!! Hope you are doing well today. big hugs

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  3. Hi Liz: I’m sorry you’re feeling so lost. When I had anemia, they gave me iron supplements which did nothing as they act too slowly. I had a friend who’d gone through it and had gotten weekly shots and it worked, so I did that, too. It took almost 4 months, but I felt so much better at the end. I’ve not had the probelm again.
    HUGS

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